Breastfeeding Stories - Fidelma

This is Fidelma and her youngest Ruadhan. These are her words.

I have three kids, all of whom had some level of breastfeeding. I didn't manage to breastfeed my first son however after 6 weeks through a combination of recurrent mastitis, lack of preparation in my side, lack of proper support in the system and I'm 100% certain he also had an undiagnosed tongue tie.  I thought breastfeeding would just be something I did and did attend the hospital class but very little else. I found that despite me really wanting to, the general support I got was geared to saying "oh it doesn't make you a better mother" and not giving me a real plan. I was really upset and sensitive about it for years after but it made me determined to breastfeed my second two years later. 

She was tongue and lip tied but we got them severed and persevered. I had to resort to nipple shields and she never fed without them again but we fed together until she was 18 months old when she self weaned. It was immensely healing for my view of myself and my mothering.

I had done my research and lined up my supports this time, and was determined and it worked.

When my youngest son came along 18 months later I was determined to feed again, and without nipple shields this time. Again, tongue tie, again hospitalised with mastitis, again searing pain on feeding... lasting an excruciating 9 weeks this time. But we did it, and he fed until 23 months when I became very sick early in lockdown and I couldn't manage even the one feed at bedtime any more. 

I loved feeding them. There were times when I was frustrated, exhausted and exasperated, but overall it was such a positive thing to do, made all the moving (house and country ) that we did in the early years of the younger twos life much simpler, and gave me a huge amount of personal satisfaction to have conquered my personal battle. I loved the snuggles that came with it (usually). I still get sad that I didn't persevere with my eldest, but when you know better, you do better.